Soccer Club Issues a Declaration of Boar

Top German soccer club Hertha Berlin have sent out a plea for marksmen to come to their aid as the capital’s leading team continues to suffer from unusual pitch invasions. The snipers won’t be employed to pick off rampaging skinheads or hooligans but a gang of wild boar which has been marauding over the club’s training pitches.

The boars have been ploughing up the turf, defecating in the penalty areas and creating huge holes in the pitch as they root for worms. Attempts by Berlin staff to assassinate the animals have failed, prompting the club to send out for professional hit men.

“These animals aren’t stupid,” the club spokesperson has been quoted as saying.