Brezhnev or Bush?

Jan. 18, 2007, will go down in history as Germany thought it had gone seriously hard of hearing. Millions of German television viewers cranked up the volume on their TV sets as their jaws dropped collectively in the most unifying moment of national self-awareness since the World Cup. There are unconfirmed reports that Bavarian maternity hospitals went practically silent as thousands of babies -- inexplicably sensing that something big was happening -- stopped crying.

On that solemn day, Premier of Bavaria and Chairman of the Christian Social Union (CSU), Edmund Stoiber announced he was going to step down in September -- after his own party decided that enough was enough.

To an outsider, this may not seem like such a big deal. Politicians come and go. In most parts of the world -- with the exception, perhaps, of North Korea, where presidents remain in power even after they've gone to the communist version of heaven -- the news of a politician stepping down is no more extraordinary than reports of Paula Abdul being drunk on American Idol, again.

Bavaria, however, is a unique gem in the German federal system and Stoiber, an exceptional personality on the German political scene.

Life after Stoiber -- Is it Possible?

Edmund Stoiber has been the alpha and omega of Bavarian politics for so long that his supporters and his critics began to see in him something more than a politician: a symbol of constancy and a monument to the Bavarian way of life.

Many a German politician would sell their mother to get the kind of popularity that Stoiber has enjoyed in his neck of the woods -- the most pious but also the most beer-drinking of all German states, a folksy dream come true.

So everybody was, understandably, emotional about Stoiber's speech at a post-carnival, beer-bash on Wednesday, most likely, the last grand speech in his political career. Mixing wishful thinking with political blindness, Stoiber told his followers not to worry -- and warned his opponents not to get their hopes up -- by sounding totally convinced that nothing would change in Bavaria after his departure, that everything would stay the same. Everybody cheered.

What's in a name?

The gentleman that he is, Stoiber was going to compliment German Chancellor Merkel on her tough stance against US President George W. Bush. But that's where things got a little complicated.

"I found it refreshing," Stoiber said, "that the Chancelor criticized Guantanamo in front of US President Brezhnev."

US president Brezhnev? Hello, Bavaria, this is earth speaking! What was Edmund Stoiber thinking when he mixed up Bush -- himself a master of the Freudian slip -- and Brezhnev -- a man who loved vodka as much as communism?

He's done it before

Stoiber is known for not always saying the right thing. The country is laughing to this day about the time he addressed Sabine Christiansen -- the people's princess of German political talk shows -- as "Frau Merkel."

Admittedly, not all of his faux pas were equally entertaining. The entire population of eastern Germany, for instance, was not in the least amused when Stoiber -- during the 2005 election run-up -- called them "the frustrated ones" and said he was not leaving the country's fate to them.

Stoiber has raised his inability to form complete sentences to the level of rhetorical bravado. One of his speeches about the transrapid railway system, for example, has inspired numerous music geeks to remix his staccato gobbledygook into a musical and poetic firework that became an instant success on the German-speaking internet.

Very few politicians get to have their speeches set to cheap techno or German rap. But Stoiber is not like other politicians. He could easily make the transition from Herr Prime Minister to MC Kool Dawg Eddie and land a contract with a major record label, without even trying.

A new career in sight?

Various theories are circulating about his latest slip of the tongue.

Unlike former Chancellor Schröder -- who, by general agreement, must have had a little too much to drink on the night of the 2005 elections, which made him sound overoptimistic and belligerent on TV that night -- Stoiber seemed as sober as the uncrowned king of Bavaria could possibly be.

Some claim that it was the sight of another fellow conservative, politician Theo Waigel in the audience that triggered the confusion. Weigel -- the owner of the most impressive unibrow on the German political scene -- could be said to resemble Leonid Brezhnev, at least as far as excess hair between their eyebrows is concerned.

But what if this was not a slip of the tongue at all? What if Stoiber -- by consciously comparing US President Bush to a Soviet communist dictator -- was simply preparing himself for a career in the exciting business of human rights? Everybody's criticizing Bush these days, so why not? Or was Stoiber preparing to enter the world of stand-up comedy?

Is Stoiber going the Heide Simonis way?

Just like Heide

Simonis was a Social Democratic politician and Prime Minister of Schleswig-Holstein. After her own election debacle in 2005 (when members of her own party refused to elect her in four consecutive ballots in the state parliament), she became head of the German UNICEF.

In the weirdest PR miscalculation of the year, Simonis, with her stiff posture and absolute lack of any sense of humor, became the laughing stock of the entire nation with her consistently horrifying performance in the TV contest "Let's Dance" last year.

Stoiber would probably never do such a thing -- prance around with celebrities and ballroom dancing stars. But he may consider a political comedy show. "Late Night with Eddie -- The Other Side of Politics" or "Laughing with Eddie -- Unplugged and Unscripted."

If only Germany were that lucky.